Trust

Trust is a problem for me right now, well my husband trusting me.  I have had issues with depression for years.  Since having my children, it has become significantly worse.  I have severe anxiety.  My doctor prescribe meds, however I go to another doctor to get additional meds because I am so anxious.  My husband found the bottle and whooooooshhh and trust we had gained down the toilet.  I don't blame him.  The past few months have been mind boggling horrible.  Including an attempt to take my life.  Depression is so horrible and a disease, but not treated like one.  If someone has cancer you go to the hospital and take care of it, not depression.  It's lame.  I feel  like I built up this trust with him and now my self confidence is gone with it.  How can I have my own feelings without me basing my feelings on how he feels about me.  This blog is never really intended for anyone in particular to read, just to vent.  Mostly, if anyone finds this it is to bring awareness to depression and suicide, which has become a part of my life.  Not the entire part, but part of my journey.  I was in a deep, dark whole that no one could have brought me out of and dying was the only answer.  Thank goodness they were able to start my heart and get me breathing again and I am here to type this and chronicle my life as a Mom and Wife and my journey as a new East Coaster!  Thanks for reading this.