Don't always ask for what you want

Letter sent.  Expecting email response one or two times and closure would be done.  Life is simple, but not easy.  I got the response, which was nice.  However, not exactly what I was looking for.  He basically pretended this did not happen,  his wife does not even know.  My guess is that no one in his life knows as far as parents, brothers, etc.  He said he rarely thinks about it after I told him I think about it every day.  I feel like I am trying to physically pull emotional closure from this person to fill the emptiness I feel.  I wonder if this emotional closure I expected from him does not even exist.  He said he has just "blocked it out of his life".  I have sent some very emotional emails to him that have freaked him out and I seriously think he contemplated not talking to me anymore.  I think guilt is what is driving his communication with me now.  He is or used to be too soft hearted of a person for him to tell me not to email him would be extremely difficult.  So, I am thinking that we have probably done all that we can to emotional close this.  I think he has been living his life for the past almost 20 years blocking it out and I'm the opposite.  We aren't two puzzle pieces that are going to help me feel better because we don't "fit" together.  Hope that makes sense.  I just can't believe that blocked it out, I wish I could.